Desensitized

Desensitized: v. 1 : to make (a sensitized or hypersensitive individual) insensitive or nonreactive to a sensitizing agent
2 : to make emotionally insensitive or callous; specifically : to extinguish an emotional response (as of fear, anxiety, or guilt) to stimuli that formerly induced it


Sunday was a tragic day for my small Alabama town, or so I've been told. The parents of two students, brother and sister, were killed in a motorcycle accident. The two students were transferred here from Decatur, Indiana. They hadn't been here long, and yet, since I live in a small town, there was at least a bit of connection.


The mood was incredibly somber when 3rd period rolled around. The sister was in that class, though obviously not that day. It was then that most of us heard the news. There was no acting out or anything of the sort. We all passed a card around to send with her on her way back to Indiana. I imagine she's already well on her way by now.

If on some off-chance either of them are reading this, I wish you both the best, and hope you do not read any lower into this post.

I'll repeat myself; it was a very somber day, some were close to tears at the thoughts of being in similar situations, and yet I was not. For some reason, it didn't phase me in the slightest. But it did get me to think. Not the accident, not the unfortunate situation these two teens are left in (again, I wish them the best), but the fact that it didn't phase me.

It made me think of other things that can push people to tears: The Holocaust, 9/11, even the current problems in the Middle East. And yet none of these phase me.

I get it, millions of lives, or even a few loved lives, are being destroyed before their time. Depending on your beliefs, they are ceasing to exist or floating off to some sort of afterlife, but the point is they're gone.

I understand the pain these two must be going through, and yet I cannot empathize with it. I feel as though I've been desensitized to death. Even when I think back to my grandmother's death, I don't shed a tear. But I stay somber in respect for her and my family.

Maybe no one I hold close has died yet. I just knocked on wood because I'm certain I wouldn't want it to happen. Yet, in this day and age, is anyone not desensitized to death? You hear so often of people dying, and yet they're just numbers. Even when I think of all the families left behind and children left in broken homes, I am not moved.

Am I a monster? Are we all monsters?

Or are we victims of an age where death is such a common thing?

Either way, I speak for myself when I say the only thing that moves me about the subject is the fact that I'm not moved by it.

Anticipating Perfect Dark: XBLA

Ah, Perfect Dark; is there any hope of you ever making it to XBLA (Xbox Live Arcade)? "This winter" they say... It's obvious by their Twitter that it's already playable! But some argue that they don't want it to clash with any big-name releases... Let's look at last week's XBLA releases, shall we?
KrissX for 800 points, which is a word-friggin-puzzle game

And next week we have Chime, which is a rip-off of Tetris and Lumines.

And yes, I see Chime being fairly fun, but it's 400 points. If Perfect Dark is going to be 1200 points (which most people have guessed), purchase of one would actually boost sales of the other, considering MS point cards come in intervals of 1600 and 4000. And being non-profit, it'll all go to charity anyway. Why not release it this week? Think of the children!

So what is holding back Perfect Dark: XBLA? I haven't the foggiest. But RARE will hopefully get it out before a tantalizingly-awesome Deal of the Week comes around. Luckily I already have Splosion Man and Portal, or a guaruntee the 1600 points I have would be gone.

Traditionally in the UK, Winter ends on February 1st or 2nd. But good ol' RARE, they'll surely stretch it until the official ending of Winter on the 21st of March, leaving March 17th as the last available Wednesday to release on. That leaves up to 8 unnanounced Deals of the Week between now and PDXBLA's release. Make your time, RARE, you're alienating the fanbase by having no release date after all this time.

Oh who am I kidding? You show us renders like this, I think we'd follow you til next winter.

If you're going to wait that long though, a facemapper would be nice. Preferably without requiring that Vision camera.

Best. Day. Ever.

Yesterday, January 26, 2010, hereby goes far as my best day to date. Why? Well I'll tell you. The only thing that could have made it better was chicken (Ha, snuck it in!)

I woke up, groggy. This is obviously not where the good day started. Well, in a way, it was. The night before I had been spilling my guts to this girl, and we'd come out of it as friends. And I'm perfectly content with that, a lot better than nothing. So I had like no stress upon waking up, aside from the waking up part.

Then I get to school. And I have a ton of people to talk to. Vaguely boring, everyone else seemed depressed. Something about not being able to make out with a girlfriend and someone else not getting to spend a weekend with a boyfriend... I learn not to snap at people when they talk about their relationships and how they have it so tough...

Anyway, maybe everyone else's depression fueled my happiness. Yesterday was a day of pretty much coasting and listening to other people's depression. The girl I mentioned in the second paragraph was having trouble with a friend, another friend of mine is having trouble averting some bad rumors about the recent Formal. Meh, I couldn't care less really, I didn't go. Because, y'know, I'm a single nerd, so that night was spent on guitar.

Anyhoo, lunch rolled around. Deli sandwich or Beefaroni... Um, no. But they had mashed potatoes! So I got a full tray of mashed potatoes at the cost of a normal meal, which was like amazing to me. So I eat that, get a couple people to fall for a crude prank, and happily eat my mashed potatoes.

A girl that was stalking my friend texts me. "I feel sick."

"I'm sorry." I reply, continuing on my merry romp of merriment. I go into Scholar's Bowl class. No work. But some guy got really ticked of and stormed out of the classroom. He was depressed about something. Meh, I don't really care. I finish my day and head home.

"We're going out to dinner tonight."

"Where at?"

"Sedona."

"Did you get some money?"

"I never said that."

He got some money. And in turn I did. Enough to throw out my crashy, piece-of-crap computer for a new Dell. And we go out to eat. And who takes us to our seat? Well it's Paragraph Two Girl's friend who she was having trouble with. Awkward if there ever was one. Except she seemed happy. I only later found out they had already made up. Women.

And I eat a delicious hamburger and return home, where I promptly go to bed and use my surprisingly-uncrashy computer. I spend the rest of the night talking to Paragraph Two Girl, completely forgetting about her current boyfriend... Until right now. Oh well, time heals all wounds I suppose.

And I go to sleep and wake up refreshed this morning. It was an absolutely great day. Too bad everyone else's day was completely crap. I don't wanna say that's the reason it was good... But maybe it's just a form of karma? What good have I done to deserve it? Maybe for one day I decided to make lemonade out of lemons... Looking back up there there's quite a bit I could complain about but ignored.

Still, maybe it's a sign of things looking up.

Oh, Hello Again!

Why hello blog! I've forgotten you for a while, haven't I? Well why haven't I posted lately? The computers finally got GIMP, so I actually had to do assignments. But now I'm back.

Admittedly, that's not all that held me back from posting. I also was waiting to think of another reason to use "Chicken" as a blog tag. Hopefully I can use it every blog and make it my most used tag!

I recently played through "The Simpsons Game", loved it. I'll likely review it tomorrow. Fantastic humor, loved every second even though it was a bit clunky.

I also recently rented Assassin's Creed II. It's pretty sweet so far. I haven't got very far in the story because I've become addicted to hiding in haystacks, jumping out, stabbing people, and bringing them back to the haystack with me. A lot of fun, since I'm in the magical time where I have a sword and the guards do not.

Also having a touch of self-inflicted girl trouble, but self-censorship on the net and all. Maybe when I can look back on it calmly I'll post about it. Let's just say I'm an obsessive freak and leave it at that.

And I'm open for game suggestions. I'm sending back The Simpsons Game, and since I recently acquired a PS2 I'm likely gonna give Kingdom Hearts: Re: Chain of Memories a go. I kind of enjoyed the GBA version, and I need to complete that part of the story before I move on to 358/2 Days. And possibly Birth by Sleep if I can get access to a PSP.

But anyway, since I've gotten out of women for a little while, I've obviously moved back to games. So expect some reviews. Especially Heavy Rain if I can get my hands on it.

Amazon Commisions Program

I am a human. As I human living in America today, I want money. And since I have a blog and no life, I figure "Why not start here?" And so I stumbled on this little Amazon Deal.

Basically, I post products in my blog, and they pay me a commision when someone follows the link from my blog and buys it. I'm still considering it, but I figure it's less annoying than AdSense. Since I'm going to be reviewing stuff anyway, and I was probably going to post Amazon links anyway, I may as well earn a buck or two off it.

But here's the one problem I have: I have no readers!

None, nada, zip! I'm basically wasting part of the internet posting nonsense no one will read! But if I can attract some of my twitter followers, some local friends, or maybe some members of the Rare Witch Project to come and read it on a regular basis, I can maybe earn a quick buck advertising things people already want! Selfish? Yes. Desperate? YES! But I'm going to have to wait, get some permissions and whatnot, and work through it. Keep expecting ramblings and such, this is just an idea.

Anyhoo, still no GIMP! Dang that system administrator!

Barbeque Chicken or Crispos for lunch. I'm definately leaning for the Crispos. Beef is delicious! Chicken is too, just not with BBQ sauce in my opinion.

There is something deeper drilling on my mind, but I don't feel I will mention it.

Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo

Did you know that "Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo" is a sentence? It is! Look at the definitions here. Since it is possible for "Buffalo" to be either a noun, adjective (as in describing something as being from the city of Buffalo), and a verb, it can be used to make a complete sentence.

I've heard it's possible to do it seven times, such as: "Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo." But I never understood quite how that works. If anyone knows, please comment. Five times in a row, however, definitely works. The sentence basically says "The buffalo from Buffalo always buffalo the buffalo from Buffalo." So, therefore, Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. My English teacher says that it would have to be "Buffalo's buffalo buffalo Buffalo's buffalo," but I seriously doubt that's needed.

Now I crave some buffalo wings. I like REALLY want some chicken wings. Right now. Unfortunately, today's lunch is pizza. Actually, I suppose that is fortunate considering some of the slop they try to serve us.

Also, still no GIMP. That should be taken care of tonight though. We don't have to have the section finished until Februray 22nd. That will not be a problem, as it's just 5 small sections about the basics of GIMP. And just like the section on using Kompozer, which is a website designing program, I'm sure anyone with any amount of computer savy would be able to do it.

I finished a story that was about Christmas Break. Mine involved ninjas. And buffalo, which is kinda why I started this blog like that. I may post it here later if I have nothing better to say.


The guy next to me is working on freehanding this picture. He'll be able to do it, considering this piece of Halo fanart he did at my request:


Pretty great, huh? The file format ruined it a bit but it still looks pretty dang good. It's my computer background now. I don't care if you make it yours as well, but please leave the signature. Pretty sure he'd kill me anyways.

And yes, ladies, I'm still single.

Welcome to my Blog... Again

Hello and welcome to my blog. I've attempted this several times before (hence the "2" in my url), but I never really took off with writing in it. Now I will make a rule: at least 3 blogs a week as long as it is within my power to do so.

Why did the rest of my blogs never take off? Maybe it's because the internet isn't as free to me as it is to everyone else. There's no mask here, I'm probably more me on the web than I am in public. And when irl and the web combine, people might read something I would never say aloud. As the days go by, I censor myself, and then not to long afterward I forget the thing existed. I started this blog wanting to start a blog for my graduating class, but then I realized I'm the last person to be telling everyone what's going on.

I'm actually typing this at school, because the school computers have blocked me from installing GIMP, which I need to go to the next chapter of my web design class. And, out of boredom "Why not type a blog?" In fact, a majority of my blogs will probably come from this time of day.

"So, CJ, what is this blog actually about?" I'm glad I pretended you asked! It's going to be what I feel like that day. If I feel like spilling my romantic feelings, I shall do so. If I feel like sulking in an emo-depression that I want all 2 of my readers to read, I'll do that too. Heck, if I feel like complaining about the quality of today's chicken sandwiches compared to last month's, I will. It's the internet, someone will read it. I'll probably review whatever is relevant to me at the time media-wise, but otherwise just random rambling.

If I feel like rambling on about why I wanted a blog, I already did. It's right up there. And this will likely be how all my blog posts are. Only possibly more on-track. And the fact that I'm reading this in a British accent in my mind probably translates through, I'm guessing. Now the mind accent has changed to Austrailian.

I suppose I'll close this for now, expect something more organized and meaningful later this week.